Wednesday, August 25, 2004

Swing....and a miss

<> Dear to us are those who love us... but dearer are those who reject us as unworthy, for they add another life; they build a heaven before us whereof we had not dreamed, and thereby supply to us new powers out of the recesses of the spirit, and urge us to new and unattempted performances.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

I've been spending part of my morning in search of quotes on rejection. That's right, folks - it's personal essay time (again) here on OverEntertained! Today's topic is: rejection. Any guesses why?

Now, knowing my luck...she was probably crazy and I didn't know it. And I'm well aware of all the various maxims regarding rejection ("other fish in the sea," "better off without her," "her loss if she can't see what she's missing," etc.) because I've heard them all before. And they're all true. And in this case, at least I'd only met her once and none of my other friends knew her, so I didn't have to go through an uncomfortable moment around other people. Plus, the positive thing about all this is that the source of last weekend's anxiety (the "should I ask her out" debate going on in my head) is all gone now.

The negative is that the anxiety has been replaced with my good friend self-doubt. In this case, I can't help feeling that I was approaching a girl who was "out of my league," despite what certain people *cough* say about there being no leagues after high school. Don't know exactly what I did wrong with this woman, but...if I'm not attractive/humorous/intelligent/witty/caring/etc. enough for her, someone needs to have a chat with her about impossible standards. Maybe while they're at it, they'd like to chat with her about mixed signals, since I felt I was getting a green light - or, at least enough of one for me to ask. At least I won't have to hear her complain again about how there are no decent guys out there. ;)

That said, rejection is tough. Asking someone out requires a person to make themselves vulnerable to every bit of self-doubt we have since a 'rejection' (in our minds) confirms all of our worst thoughts about ourselves. It's one of those moments where we take down all the walls and defenses we create around ourselves to keep from getting hurt by other people. And for people like myself, we're so careful about taking down those walls (because we've been wounded before) that it becomes a frightening experience. Some *cough* might call this neurotic, and I suppose it is at some level. And it does become easier the more you get used to lowering your defenses.

But I'm not the only one who needs to lower something here. ;) I've been around so many girls in my lifetime who talk about how there are no decent guys "out there," who supply mixed signals or flirt just for the attention...only to reject decent guys outright, or worse...hand out one of those bogus "Rejection Hotline" numbers (Note: Ladies. You might find that entertaining, but its pretty rude. You might think you're saving us from embarassment, but the reality is that we're just as mortified in private. You can't have it both ways - you cannot insist that guys do the asking and then follow that up by leading them on.). Yes...there's a case to be made that I've been around the wrong girls - I won't deny that. Then again, I'm always a bad judge as to whether a woman is interested in me or not. What I need to start doing is getting third opinions, perhaps. ;)

More rambling. But it feels good to do it and...well...this is my blog, not yours.


At 5:20 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Emerson's on drugs.

At 9:32 PM, Blogger Banjax said...

Yes, quite true. But you try and find a quote on rejection that makes any sense and I'll change it. ;) I know its un-American to say so, but...I never cared much for Emerson. Nor Thoreau or any of the other transcendentalists. Way too full of themselves if you ask me. Basically, the 19th Century's equivalent of hippies. ;)

At 1:10 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I submit to you: "Rejection is one thing, but rejection from a fool is cruel." It makes more sense, though lacks literary merit. It also may not be factually fitting. On the other hand, it is maudlin and the tone fits into the high school references.


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