Tuesday, August 03, 2004

Topeka: City of Morons

Priceless. Absolutely priceless. Abso-freakin-lutely priceless.

My personal favorites of the nominees: Topeka, Orange barrel capital of the USA and Topeka, Not as bad as you think it is!

Anybody who hasn't been to the hellhole of a city I grew up in can never quite understand how cruddy that town is. I don't miss it. Not one bit. TP, when I related these stories to him, said: "Let's see...state capital, situated between two major universities...120,000 residents...sounds like it would be pretty cosmopolitan."

My response: "You'd be wrong!!!" ;)

Ugh. What a hellhole that town is. You have to experience it to truly understand this provincial, industrial wasteland of a government town where all the culture is imported in the form of superstores, outlet malls and chain restaurants. A city with a perfect inferiority complex, despite being the state capital. A city where all of the residents are perpetually at each other's throats over one thing or another - most of them petty. Where a dinner at Applebee's or Ruby Tuesday's is considered fine dining (indeed - I think Topeka is the only city in the world where Ruby Tuesday's is packed at night). A town where people are still fighting a court case that was decided 50 years ago. Where the weather is miserable, the fanciest entertainment is a night at the google-plex movie theatre (where you, unlike everywhere else in the country, can't buy your tickets in advance online), and where the local newspaper would be content if it printed nothing but Republican news and sports.

Is it any wonder I moved?


At 4:43 PM, Blogger Banjax said...

Btw...hours later, I'm still laughing at that whole "cosmopolitan" comment, TP. If there is one word to describe Topeka, I think "cosmopolitan" would be the last I'd choose. ;)


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