Thursday, September 09, 2004

Customers S*ck

Purely by accident, ran across this website today. Tons of great stuff there - as usual, reality is far more disturbing and hilarious than fiction. Included this little gem, which had JH and I laughing hysterically this morning:
I used to run the ovens at a pizza place. We got a phoned-in order for delivery from a semi-regular customer, a couple who always ordered a pan pizza WELL-DONE. Our definition of well-done was usually just what people wanted, we almost never got complaints, but these people were never happy, they would usually refuse to tip the delivery drivers and say they weren't ever going to order again... but of course we were never that lucky! When the order slip was given to me and the pizza was made, the guy who took down the order was sweating a little. "Look, dude," he said. "They want this pizza WELL-DONE. WELL-DONE!!" He had underlined the word 4 times on the order slip. They must have put him through the ringer about their stupid pizza. OK I thought, this time they will get a WELL-DONE pizza. I left it in there for almost an hour, there was not an inch of the pizza that wasn't black. Everybody who worked there kept coming in to look over my shoulder, some saying "Take it out! That's too long!" Others were cheering me on like a marathon runner going the distance. "Burn it! Burn it!" By the time I was finished with it, the pizza had shrunk about 3 inches in diameter and had huge cracks running through the cheese and crust, showing the less burnt stuff underneath. You could stand this pizza on its side and roll it like a wagon wheel. When I took it to the cutting table, it didn't really CUT into pieces, but rather snapped, more breaking peanut brittle. When the driver returned from delivery, I asked him what they said about it, expecting another tantrum. The couple had opened the box, taken one look at it, and said "You're getting closer."
Classic. :) Anybody who works with "customers" (or "users" in my world, but they go by so many different names) will see themselves in these posts.

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